She seems to be having these dreams lately that seem to be trying to tell her something. This has been happening so often that she is having trouble distinguishing between them and reality.
Dream Sequence #1:
She is sitting with her best friend HANNAH and smoking pot in someone's basement, HANNAH keeps telling her about her college life and how different she would be had she lived out her High School years in Invermere as opposed to Alberta. Then, complete change in scenery: she is sitting in the Service Canada building, waiting for advice and a computer when a little girl approaches her. She talks to this little girl and all of a sudden she is in a forest with this little girl and Chris. And a horse, which her and Chris own. She rides it through the trees and comes across Chris' family and then leaves her horse, suddenly there is a thunder storm and she must rush back to her horse, yelling at Chris that she knew they shouldn't leave it alone. The End.

Dream Sequence #2:
She is in a dark house with Chris and Brett and Brett's girlfriend. She wants Brett and knows he wants her too. They attempt many times to be alone together, only to be thwarted by their significant others. She texts him only to have Chris find her texting and asks her what she' doing. They all watch a movie together and somehow Brett and she manage to hold hands stealthily. She wakes up.

She sits at work and ponders just what these dreams mean exactly.
Is she trying to tell herself that she should have chose differently...
what is wrong with her?

She sits at work and wonders how different her life would be had she made one or two decisions differently...
If she had stayed by her family and gone with that other boy, that exciting, twin of hers.

The chocolate chip and peanut butter cookie boy. The one who caught the chocolate chips she threw and took a swill of beer after only to find out they didn't blend together as well as him and her.
The one who she stole forbidden kisses from at the after-party in someone's spare bedroom with the door wide open, not even caring if ANYONE saw, including her boyfriend of the moment.
The one whose hand she held in the car and rested her head upon his lap.
Her very own beer commercial lying on her bed shirtless holding his beer bottle.
She was his guitar commercial, lying on his bed in only her bra holding his guitar.
She thinks of how they went to the movies and he bought her Skittles and took her home with him that night.
Oh, that night, she knows she hasn't forgot it and is sure he hasn't either.
She thinks, really how many people can you say you took the mattress off your bed with, without realizing it at the time?
She remembers giving him a massage after and falling asleep on top of him, and finding him cramped on the couch the next morning because he didn't want to make his parents mad and gave her his bed for the night.
She remembers sleeping on a bench at the skate park the next day ( lack of sleep the night before) and waking up to him handing her a Diet Coke.
She knows she has tried to forget him and convince herself that he is just a part of her past, but she keeps remembering and can not make herself forget as much as she tries with her "new life" and everything.
How different would her life be if she had chosen him? For one, she would be closer to her family, and for two, her Dad adores him. She wonders where she would be working, living, if she would still be in touch with all her good friends and possibly would she have even more? Probably. She tries to regret nothing, but on the 20 eve of her birth, it's hard for her not to think if she has made the right choices. Or even good ones at that.
Now that they are only starting to lose touch, she knows it's not what she wants... but could it be what he wants? She would like to think not.
She actually knows it untrue.
How can both their feelings be so strong for each other after really only being face to face a mere 6 times?
She thinks back to all those late long phone calls, talking until they had to get up for school again, after maybe half an hour of sleep because neither of them wanted to hang up and only did so because the cordless phone ran out of batteries...
miss you miss you miss you miss you miss you miss you miss you miss you.
you.

Well this is the story so far:

One night 5 years ago, they met. They met in a mosh pit and then again by the arcade games. She watched him play and introduced herself and cheered him on while he played. When he won, she hugged him, and there was that brief moment where they looked into each others eyes and wanted to kiss, but didn't.
The band went back on and they raced back into the other room. He ripped his shirt in the most pit. She stitched it up with safety pins from her pants. He picked her up and cracked her back and she told him he was her god. From then on they were each others Gods.
She stealthily held his hand in the car. They ended up at the party drinking beer and eating chocolate chips. They kissed in a bedroom. Her boyfriend saw.

A week later she called him and he was surprised. They talked for 6 hours and realized they had an amazing amount in common. They became best friends. Then, after one weekend in Rocky, they became more than that. They kissed and snuggled on Melissa's couch.She stealthily unbuttoned his shirt without him knowing. They fell asleep together. The next night they stayed at his house and became way more than just friends. She gave him a massage and fell asleep in his bed. He slept on the couch so his parents wouldn't get mad. They had kraft dinner and listened to the Beatles. They went to the skate park and she watched and napped on a bench while he skated. He took her to 7-11 and met her dad and watched her drive away on her dad's motorcycle.
He called her that night and everynight that summer, even while she was in BC.
Before she went to BC they met at Warped Tour and moshed and rocked and kissed in the rain to Taking Back Sunday.

They talked all summer and racked up some pretty crazy phone bills for their parents.

He came to visit in the fall for their birthdays. Her dad LOVED him. Then, he left them home alone all weekend. She was his beer commercial, he was her Guitar hero.
She made him breakfast and let him sleep in.
She cried when he had to leave and tried to hide it, she didn't hide it well.
She stopped talking to him.
She was scared of falling even more in love with him and getting hurt.

When they started talking again, she had a boyfriend and he had a girlfriend.
She knew she hurt him and tried to explain and apologize, she doesn't think he has ever forgiven her, she hasn't forgiven herself.
She is pretty sure she will never forgive herself.
And now, they talk, every now and then, and she feels like it's starting all over again.
But she isn't sure about him, she thinks he wants to be just her friend, but then... do friends say they miss each other this much?
She misses him for sure, but they are still taken by other people.
Although when they talk on the phone, they say things to each other that convince her that they will never be over each other.
She wonders if in the end something will happen and they will be together.
But this is only the story so far...

she began her day by slipping out of bed and putting on jeans.
she woke up wishing for an adventure.
she kept thinking about sunshine and water and dancing with fire on the beach.
She is Me.
And what she wants, I want.
And what I want is: something exciting and invigorating and as far away from ordinary as I can get.
And here it is:

she began her day by rolling out of her hammock and twisting her rainbow colored skirt back into the right position on her hips. She walked the length of the deck, feeling the coarse wood beneath her feet and thought about where she was going to go today. As she looked out over the ocean she knew she wasn't going to be able to stay inside today. Down the steps to the beach she went, she climbed her rock and sat, stretching her legs in the sun. She felt sleepy but wide awake at the same time and decided that what she needed today was her boy. Up off her rock and down the beach she went, collecting shells and beach glass as a surprise present for him. As she came to his workshop, the place he built so many necklaces and candleholders and picture frames, she was excited. she opened the door without knocking and, was rewarded with his ocean blue eyes and easy smile greeting her.

Hey girl, run away.
Run away back into the corridors of your memory and find something exciting.
remember mosh pits, remember punk and slam dancing and feeling invincible. remember crowd surfing to Bad Religion and breaking your pinky finger. remember smiling at that boy in the mosh pit for the brief second your eyes met, and remember that he was the ones who kept you from falling backwards, remember how he caught you and put you back on your feet. remember kissing in the rain listening to Taking Back Sunday, remember how you never wanted to let go. remember tattooing each others arms in permanent marker on the grass while listening to the indie bands play and scream. remember perfect smiles. remember the thrill of meeting, remember skateboadring at dusk, remember sleeping on the bench at the skate park and waking up to someone tickling you awake and offering you a diet coke.